I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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