he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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