We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
