Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
