Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We just shotgunned beers for America
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
