ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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