I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
