Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
