before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
