'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
