i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize