The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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