The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize