yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
