Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
