She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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