I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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