i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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