You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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