I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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