Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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