saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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