well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
