Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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