anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize