True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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