In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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