I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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