We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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