Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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