Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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