I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
