i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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