We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
