Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
