I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
