I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
