It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
