Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize