Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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