Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What drink are we having for lunch?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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