There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
