The maid of honor just puked.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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