It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
