people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
