but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
