So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
