first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
