Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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