ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
