I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
