ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
