OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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