my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
