So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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