You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
