Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
