Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
