watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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