I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
