in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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