I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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