True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
