i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found the puke drawer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
